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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Santa's Little Helper

I didn't get it in time for Christmas, but in the post Christmas/pre New Years slump, enjoy this holiday episode recap...
Feeny is reading A Christmas Carol to the class while Shawn and Cory goof off in the back. They even ask when the Grinch shows up. Feeny tells Topanga and Cory to switch places, and the two boys get all indignant, and Feeny asks if the boys really got the point of the story. They totes don't. This is important later.
At lunch, Cory and Shawn talk about all the presents that are piling up under the tree. Cory says he's getting a real NBA quality basketball for his big gift, and he's been saving for the whole month for buy a $5 basketball net. Shawn is eating a home-packed lunch instead of buying the delish and nutrish fish stick meal Cory is consuming, and he says that the sports store has pretty much moved into his house. Minkus comes over to remind Shawn he needs to pony up $5 for Feeny's gift from the class, and Shawn says he'll give it to him tomorrow because he just spent his last five spot on lunch. Uh-oh. Cory is kind of oblivious and keeps on talking about all his gifts and how he can tell which ones are good and which ones are wool. He particularly hates wool. Topanga overhears and says Christmas isn't about gifts, it's about appreciating friends and family and celebrating the winter solstice.
After school, Amy takes Morgan to the mall to see Santa. When they get home, Alan asks how it went and Morgan runs upstairs crying and locks herself in the bathroom. Amy explains that as soon as Morgan sat on Santa's lap, he "grabbed his chest, yelled 'Rudolph', and fell over" and now Morgan thinks she killed Santa, even though he'll be ok. Amy and Alan think it's kind of funny and clue Eric in so he can help coax her out of the bathroom.
Cory runs in and starts shaking boxes to see what's new. He's got three new gifts but he tells Alan he's going to call Shawn and say he has five new boxes. Alan tells him maybe he shouldn't exaggerate that much because Shawn's dad lost his job and Shawn won't be having a great Christmas this year. Cory asks if he can give Shawn one of his gifts and Alan says that would be really nice of him.
Amy and Eric bribe Morgan out of the bathroom with a flannel shirt, sunglasses, and necklaces. She says she was also scared of the mean, vaguely mobstery elf, and Alan says she won't have to worry about him anymore. The doorbell rings. Who could it be besides the aforementioned elf? Back to the bathroom for Morgan. He returns Amy's money, and Alan asks why he was so mean to his daughter. While smoking a cigar -seriously- mobby elf tells him that as soon as Morgan sat with Santa "Badda bing, badda boom- heart attack!" Alan just closes the door in his face. Man I love Alan.
Shawn comes over and Cory gives him the basketball. Shawn asks what he's doing and Cory says he knows about Shawn's dad and wants him to have a good Christmas. Shawn says he doesn't want the charity and the two boys fight. Feeny overhears and Shawn runs off. Cory tries to garner sympathy from Feeny, but he tells him that giving gifts just to get thanks is as bad as throwing gifts back in people's faces. Christmas is a time to appreciate the real gifts in life like friendship and love of family. Awwww. Thanks, Feeny.
The next day, Shawn doesn't sit with Cory at lunch. Minkus comes in and tells Shawn he's buying the gift and he needs the $5 right now or he won't put his name on the card and everyone will think he's a deadbeat. Shawn just says that's the way it is then, and leaves in a huff. Cory calls Minkus over and gives him the $5 he was saving for his basketball net, and tells Minkus that he owed Shawn the money, and Shawn's not a deadbeat and his name should go on the card too. When Minkus gives Feeny the gift, Feeny reads the names on the card and Shawn is really surprised his name is on it. He thought Minkus just did it to be nice and thanks him after class, but Minkus tells Shawn Cory gave him the money. Shawn can't believe Cory gave the money for his net away.
He comes over to the Matthews' later and says that he found and old net while he was cleaning his garage and gives it to Cory. He asks if they can be friends again and they play each other for the ball. It's lovely.
Feeny ends up dressing up like Santa and coming over to tell Morgan she didn't do anything wrong, but she calls him out and asks Amy why Santa looks like the Feen.
*Eventually the reading of A Christmas Carol moves to the Matthews' living room, but it's nice that they kept that in every year.
*The shirt Eric bribes Morgan out of the bathroom with is reversible pink and purple flannel. I bet he wore it tucked into khaki's. Sooooo 90's.
*That elf is ridiculous. Seriously.
*Minkus tells Cory that Shawn's name will be last on the card since he was last to pay. That seems really unnecessary. Why not just do it alphabetically? Of course, Minkus is first on the list.
*If you're wondering, Feeny gets a dictionary.
*Shawn found a basketball net cleaning out his garage? Isn't one of the cornerstones of the "Shawn is poor" storyline throughout the ENTIRE show that Shawn lives in a trailer? They couldn't have said cleaning out my room or cleaning out my house?
*Feeny is the worst Santa in the world. Shouldn't he be more comfortable around children? He's really uncomfortable in the episode coming up where he babysits Morgan, too.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Urg- Part II

I know're all like "where the eff is my BMW?" Trust me, it's coming. I just needed some time becuase I had to figure some stuff out.

I told you I was quitting to Nano. That was true, but not so much the actual truth. I think a got a whopping 156 words written (last year I clocked in at 50,443, so I was kind of upset.)

However, my November kind of blew my life up. Why? Cause on good old Halloween, one of my very favorite holidays, I got a big fat postive pregnancy test. We're expecting on July 6.

I can safely say now that my boyfriend and I are very excited, but we definitely had some adjustments to make. I'm in the process now of moving my stuff into his house, and looking for a new house out in the county, closer to his parents, and further from inner city schools. Problem is, on top of my extreme sickness, exhaustion, and general moodiness, his internet kind of sucks, which is why I haven't been updating as well. However, a look ahead in the episode guide shows a Christmas themed episode coming up, so we're about where we should be at for the season.

I promise that recap (and more!) very soon. Till then, thanks for bearing with me.

Monday, November 1, 2010


I really, really didn't want to do one of those "I'm terrible at updating my blog" posts so soon, but it's true. Turns out I'm fairly terrible at updating my blog. I hope everyone had a happy halloween. Quick anecdote-

I wanted to be a peacock, so I bought a blue dress for $7.50 at H&M. I went to get tail feathers and it turns out peacock feathers are absurdly expensive. My boyfriend convinced me to buy a bag of cheap craft feathers and glue them all over my dress and just be a bird. Upon applying said feathers, I realized there is just no bird in the world with hot pink, orange, zebra, and swirled blue and brown feathers, so I threw some yellow felt and black stripes on the back and made a stinger and went as the birds and the bees. It was a nice save.

Anyway, between that, Nano, and a few personal issues, I've been remiss in my BMW duties. Rest assured, there will be posts soon- probably when I go crazy from too much nano.

Until then, enjoy this BMW quiz. It's pretty hard- I got 5/10

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Class Pre-Union

Cory and Minkus are role-playing in history. Cory is George Washington and Minkus plays King George. They go back and forth for awhile until Cory stops and says history is boring and they should all think about their futures. Mr. Feeny says that's a good idea and gives an assignment- pretend you are coming to your 20th high school reunion. What's your profession? Married? Kids?

Minkus says he'd like to marry Topanga. She's flattered, but says she doesn't recognize the institution of marriage. At lunch, the boys talk about what they want to be. Shawn will be a tire salesman like his dad. Yeah-Yeah is back, and is going to be a teacher just like Feeny because he thinks that'll net him a good grade. Cory scoffs and says the boys aren't thinking big enough. He's going as what he actually wants to be- a center fielder for the Phillies. Shawn and Yeah-Yeah point out how crappy Cory is at little league, but he doesn't care. He runs home and writes down stats, makes a baseball card, and fashions his own cereal.

Morgan wore a gold necklace of Amy's to her friend Stephanie's birthday party and ends up trading it away for a cheap plastic one. Amy calls Steph's mom, but she's not having any of it and says she won't give it back. Amy sets up a playdate and Stephanie and her mom Jane come over. Jane explains that Stephanie is super attached to the necklace and it has nothing to do with the value of it. In the kitchen, Morgan bribes Stephanie out of the necklace, her hat and dress, and Jane's car with nothing more than brownies, a tiara, and my little pony. Morgan needs to teach sales seminars.

At the Class Reunion, Minkus does pretty much what Richard Gere does in Pretty Woman. He's got a massive portfolio with lists of assets, stocks, bank loans, etc. In his personal life, he's married to Topanga, and they've just celebrated the birth of their third child, Rainbow Einstein Minkus.

Topanga is the president. She's disbanded the military, eliminated nuclear weapons, instituted a national dress code of togas, and moved all men underground to only be used as breeding. Feeny tells her Minkus said they were married and she just says they don't see eye to eye on their futures.

Shawn is a tire salesman, with a bitchin' mustache/beer gut combo. Yeah-Yeah is dressed exactly like Mr. Feeny and Feeny sees straight through it and fails him. When it's Cory's turn, he shows Feeny his card and cereal and says he dropped out of high school in junior year for a 6 mil a year contract. Feeny says that's not a ton of money for a major league ball player, and Cory replies that he sunk some of it into "investments." Feeny doesn't believe him and says that because Cory has no high school or college degree, he won't be able to manage money or any investment once his career is over. He gives Cory an incomplete and Cory is heartbroken.

Cory pulls all of his baseball stuff off the wall and Alan comes in to talk to him. Cory asks if anyone told Alan he couldn't be the grocery store manager when he was little. Alan says he actually wanted to be an engineer and build bridges, but then his dream changed into having a family and providing for them. Now his dream is to be the father of a Phillies center fielder. Cory says he'll have to give that up, because baseball player dreams are just for kids.

Eric is on the phone with a friend when Cory rushes downstairs and hangs it up. He calls Shawn and tells him to round up all their friends because Jim Abbott is in their kitchen. Eric doesn't believe him, but lo and behold, Jim Abbott is in the kitchen. He gives a nice pep talk about overcoming odds and how his high school coach said Jim would never play in the majors, what with his lack of a hand and all. However, Jim is grateful to him because he helped him get into Michigan so he could get a good education.

Later, Cory is playing ball out back and hits one into Feeny's yard. Cory tells Feeny all about Jim coming over and says that he's going to go to college just like Jim and get noticed that way. Then he'll go into the majors and be a big star. Feeny says Jim seems like he had things thought out pretty well and Cory would do well to emulate him. To show how proud he is, he gives Cory all his balls back. (Heh. Balls.)


*Stephanie's mom Jane is a bitch.

*Feeny tells Yeah-Yeah that someone tries to dress up like a teacher and kiss ass every year. He just thought of this assignment. I understand giving Shawn an off screen sister who we never hear about again, but there should at least be continuity within one episode.

*Some chick dresses up as a Vegas showgirl for the reunion. It's a bit of a risqué costume.

*At the end, Alan and Amy start making out o the couch and it turns out Cory is filming it. He asks for a little action. I'm not sure if he means action as in something more interesting or action as in "get sexier" but either way it's creepy.

*I love hippie Topanga

* Did the Phillies and the Yankees have a rivalry in 1994? Cause I'd think Cory wouldn't be so enamored with Jim Abbott.

*When all the kids come over to see Jim and get autographs, Minkus accidentally brings a basketball. Poor Minkus.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Teacher's Bet

We open with Cory and Shawn talking about Barry Bonds making millions of dollars a year. Minkus overhears and is disgusted that sports stars make so much but Feeny only makes about $40,000. Cory and Shawn are amazed by this figure and can't believe he makes so much, but Minkus thinks he's quite underpaid. Cory points out that Feeny doesn't actually DO anything, because the material never changes and all Feeny has to do is tell students the same thing year after year.

In class, Feeny assigns The Diary of Anne Frank as part of the unit on prejudice. Cory makes a disparaging comment and Feeny calls him out after class. Cory doesn't really apologize, he just says that since teaching is so easy, his smart ass comments stir things up and make it interesting for Feeny. Mr. Feeny ponders this and gives Cory the opportunity to teach one of his classes for the rest of the week. If more students than normal pass the test, Cory will get 1/5 of Feeny's paycheck. If more fail, Feeny will get Cory's new bike.

Cory rushes home to tell Alan and Amy about the bet. They have some reservations, but Cory just brushes it off. Eric brings home a new girlfriend, Linda. Linda is very pretty and smart and happens to be Japanese.

The next day is Cory's first class. He pretty much throws one big party and assigns the same homework as Feeny did. Minkus points that out and Cory says he knows 6th graders sometimes don't do homework, so he's giving everyone a second chance. Minkus replies that he did do his homework, so Cory gives him an assignment to get a life.

Alan asks how the class went and Cory says it was great, they partied and Shawn taught Feeny to play poker. Alan says that's fun and all, but wonders if he actually taught anything and Cory says no, because the book is the teacher. Alan raises his eyebrows at that and inquires if Cory's actually read the book. Cory skimmed it and came to the conclusion it was about the Nazi's and when there was prejudice a long time ago. Alan tells Cory he's going to lose his bike.

That scares Cory and he asks Shawn for help getting the class back under control, but Shawn blows him off. He tries to call roll, but Topanga is mediating, Minkus gets sassy, and the class gets out of control. Cory just sort of sits there defeated.

At home later, Cory is actually reading the book and realizes it's sort of hard to be a teacher. Eric leads Linda in and sits her on the couch. Linda is sobbing and distraught, and it's not until Morgan asks what's wrong that Eric tells them someone called Linda a really bad name and the mall. Amy takes Morgan into the kitchen and Cory is incredulous that something like that happened that day in their neighborhood.

The next day in class, Cory tells everyone about what happened with Linda. No one pays attention and Cory almost quits, but then turns around and asked Shawn his mother's maiden name. Shawn tells him it was Cordini and Cory calls him a wop. Everyone immediately stops what they're doing and looks. Shawn starts pushing Cory and tells him he's going to kill him. Cory stops him and asks what Shawn would do if he lived in a country where he could be killed just because of his name. He gives the class a speech about racism being bad and says everyone has to read the book and pass the test so that they can all stand up and fight against prejudice.

It turns out the bet is a draw and neither Cory nor Mr. Feeny have to give anything up. Cory is happy but can't believe people still failed. Feeny says it'll happen no matter what, but Shawn got a B and usually gets C's so Cory must've gotten through. This makes Cory feel better and he realizes he learned an important lesson, too.


*Shawn has a different denim vest. Still has the ripped sleeves, but with a classy collar, not a sweat hood.

* While Cory teaches, Feeny is a student. His student clothes are a Phillies jersey and a Meat Loaf hat/sweatshirt combo. Feeny is such a fashionista.

*When Eric brings Linda home, she asks Morgan if Eric's brought home lots of girls. Morgan says there's been billions. I have a very scientific girl tally, and this is not the case.

*At one point Alan brings groceries home in a reusable bag. The Matthews were on the cutting edge of the green trend, people.

*On the first day of class, Cory says he's doing away with the no hats policy and Topanga asks if they can also go against dress code so she can wear a sari. Wouldn't those rules be established by the school and not Mr. Feeny?

*Feeny is late to class and says he was "chillin with his homies."

*At the end, Linda makes the cheerleading team. Amy used to be a cheerleader and does this ridiculous, cheesy cheer. Eric says cheerleading is cool and cutting edge, but Linda demonstrates the exact same cheer.

Girl Tally:
Eric- 3
Shawn- 0
Cory- 1

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Banned Books Week

Check out Nikki's post for full celebration deets.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.

You won’t find me comparing this book to The Catcher in the Rye. Oh, comparisons can certainly be drawn (and have been, almost ad nauseam). Why? Because my name is Caitlin, I hold a Bachelor of Science in English Literature, and...


Phew. It’s finally off my chest. In fact, as come of age stories about boys go, I much prefer the woefully UNDERrated A Separate Peace.

My friend Carolyn routinely comes to visit me toting large boxes of books. She puts stickers in the ones she wants back and I throw the rest onto paperback swap when I’m done. It’s a fool-proof system. She introduced me to this book years ago when we were living together. “Here, read this, I think you’ll like it”…it was a highlighted, dog eared copy with strict instructions this was one she wanted back. Obviously this negated the need for the aforementioned sticker system. I flipped through it, and the quotes she’d highlighted immediately stood out. “I feel infinite” was the first one I saw. I turned to page one and was off to the races.


The story in and of itself is very simple. I like things to happen in my books. I like court dramas, murder mysteries, horror novels, and the occasional chick lit. Character studies don’t do much for me. However, the simplicity of this story works highly in its favor. At its core, it’s a story about “Charlie” finding his place in the world. He begins high school confused about who he is and what his roll is in his own life. He’s recently reeling from the suicide of his middle school friend and the death of his favorite aunt. To help sort things out, he begins to write letters to an anonymous “friend” who he heard was nice. The entire school year unfolds throughout, and the reader is let into Charlie’s world. He’s the youngest of three, with a football star brother and a sister who has enough issues to make her own book (I would totally read that). He’s an outsider looking in, reticent but ready. His English teacher takes a special interest in him and gives him extra credit books to read, so he spends most of his time going through those. There’s a boy in his shop class who seems very nice to everyone, and they get to talking at a football game. Patrick and his stepsister Sam become Charlie’s near constant companions, and he’s pleased as punch about it. Charlie develops a near epic crush on Sam almost instantly and feels terrible about it. With the help of friends, Charlie goes to parties, drinks, smokes, becomes enamored with and eventually a part of the Rocky Horror Picture Show crowd, and generally has a pretty good time discovering there’s a life apart from being a wallflower.

*Non-spoiler alert*

I want anyone who reads this book to come at it with fresh eyes. Without giving too much away, Charlie and his friends deal with domestic violence, homosexuality, sexuality in general, physical and sexual abuse, drugs, alcohol, depression, and suicide. I realize putting it all together in one sentence like that makes it sound like the most over the top afterschool special/lifetime movie/soap opera hybrid in the world, but it’s the point of view that makes it worthwhile. Charlie looks at all of these as an outsider, even the ones that directly involve him. He’s like the photographer that lets the lion eat the gazelle instead of stepping in, because that’s how life goes. The writing is engaging, and riddled with anecdotes, one liners, and totally highlight-able quotes that unfold the story as if you were the “friend” Charlie is writing to. Some people have said there’s a twist ending to the book, one you won’t see coming, and that it’s kind of a cheap ending designed to play on emotion. I don’t agree. By the end, you are emotionally involved with almost all the characters, and what happens in their respective arcs matters.

*Why is the book so challenged? *

The depictions are real. Not fact based, but there’s not a lot that gets sugar coated. Charlie says “penis.” He describes oral sex, gay sex, and sexual abuse in frank terms. There’s swearing, drug use, masturbation, drinking, and other horrors.

*So what?*

Newsflash. High school aged kids swear, smoke, drink, and copulate. Not all of them, but a solid faction. If anything, this book puts all that into perspective. It doesn’t matter if you hung out in the basement or were homecoming queen. Every teenager has had self esteem issues, self doubt, self hate, and moments of self love (high self esteem wise, not diddling your diddle, though that also happens). This book speaks to that. It reinforces that it’s ok to fall down, it’s ok to experiment, and it’s ok to let out what you’re feeling. These are lessons that are important for teenagers to learn. This book resonates with the high school crowd. I was in my early 20’s the first time I read it and it certainly resonated with me, so much so that I now own my own (ha) highlighted copy. Look how much it affected these fine folks here and here <--- tattoo pictures that wouldn't load to the post properly, totally SFW.

This is a book that needs to stay in the system, and stay relevant. If Catcher in the Rye and even A Separate Peace can do it, this should round out the trifecta.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Grandma Was a Rolling Stone

Keri Russell! Rue McClahahan! Making out is not a spectator sport!

Cory and Shawn are collecting snails out of Mr. Feeny’s garden to use as bait to go fishing. Alan points out that fish don’t eat snails and Feeny just laughs it off before launching into a ridiculous story about catching small mouthed bass. All three make a pretty hasty exit. We find out Eric isn’t going on the fishing trip because “he’s discovered girls.” In fact, Eric has been using Morgan’s cuteness to meet girls at the mall. Amy says it’s fine, she’s actually glad the two of them are bonding.

La Cucaracha blares out as a harbinger for Rue. She comes in wearing the most redic outfit. Claudia Kishi is probably the only other person who could pull it off, because we all know she looks distantly dibble in everything. Rue doles out presents- a shrunken head and promise of new clothes for Morgan, a bull whip and promise of a car show/girls for Eric, and a Cal Ripken Jr. rookie card and promise of an autograph for Cory. She also bestows dried cactus on Alan and Amy, proclaiming it will make them “regular as a diesel.” Poop jokes. Always a classy move, BMW.

Rue takes Morgan shopping and they both buy a bright red shirt covered in white fringe. She takes Eric to the car show and he gets his arm signed by Victoria’s Secret model Graciella Tertciana. He’s about two steps away from awkwardly sexing up to his own arm when Feeny comes in and says his niece is in town. Eric thinks Feeny is asking him to date the niece and pretends to be sick, but Feeny just wants to know what teenagers do. Eric tells him dinner and a movie and Feeny leaves.

The next day, Cory comes downstairs ready to go to Baltimore (!) to get the Ripken card signed. Rue is nowhere to be found, and Amy distracts Cory by asking him to bake with her. They end up making four batches of muffins. Amy tries to bake a cake next, but Cory thinks something happened to Rue and they should call the cops or go look for her. Amy gentle explains that Rue sort of marches to a different beat, and she’s probably not coming. Cory is pretty bummed, and Amy says she’ll take him and Shawn bowling if he’d like. Cory calls Shawn, but Shawn left with Alan to go on the fishing trip. Cory is even more upset because he lost his grandmother to who knows what and his best friend to his father. He goes to sulk in the treehouse.

Eric spies Feeny’s niece outside. Why, it’s Keri Russell! He runs outside, hops the fence, and picks up a heavy bag of fertilizer in an effort to appear strong. Morgan comes out and goes through her spiel, and Keri takes it hook, line, and sinker. The three of them go to the fair. When they come back, Morgan cons Eric into giving her his sunglasses because she knows he can’t say no in front of Keri. When she goes inside, Keri calls him out on using Morgan and on having some random chick’s name on his arm. She’s either incredibly stupid or Eric is incredibly charming, but she forgives him pretty fast and they get to kissing. Cory sees them for the treehouse and Alan and Shawn come back from fishing and catch them. Everyone just sort of stands around until Shawn calls Eric “The Lipmaster!” and Keri gets embarrassed and goes inside. Eric scoffs at all of them and leaves. Cory jumps down and whines about missing the day with grandma and his dad. Alan sends Shawn home and brings Cory inside.

Alan explains that Rue is different from most people. Once when Alan was little, she forgot to sign a permission slip for a field trip to a space exhibit at the museum. Little Alan was super bummed because the rest of the class got to go, and he really liked rocket ships. One day, Rue woke Little Alan up and drove him down to Cape Canaveral to see an actual rocket launch- while his classmates watched it on little black and white TVs. He explains that while the whole world was watching the launch, Rue was watching him. She loves Cory, but she shows love differently than most people.

Rue comes in and apologizes for missing the day with Cory. He accepts and says that the Cal Ripken card is his favorite, and his signature might have messed it up. She promises to do something really great the next time she’s in Philly, and Cory says he can’t wait. Eric runs in and asks Alan to cover for him and says he’s been at home. Feeny follows with a flashlight and tells Alan to keep Eric and his hormones away from Keri. Rue juts in and covers for Eric, but Feeny says he just heard her pull up and run over his mums. She asks Cory who Feeny is and Cory explains he’s his teacher. She asks if Feeny gives Cory straight A’s and when he says no, Rue goes to run over the rest of his mums.


*So many Baltimore references here. Remember when the Orioles weren’t a joke? I wasn’t living here then, but I hear stories.

*After Keri goes inside, Alan wonders how she’s related to Feeny. Eric says “Niece.” Alan replies “Niiiiiiiice.” Super pervy, AM.

*In regards to the above, there’s a running theme in the later seasons with wordplays on niece/nice/niche.

*When they’re collecting snails, Shawn is wearing a long sleeved baggy thermal, a loudly patterned baggy T-shirt, and a jean vest. With the sleeves torn off. With a sweatshirt hood. I can’t believe I collected this kid’s poster out of Tiger Beat.

*I think I might be in the Morgan minority (I like the later Morgan a lot more than this one.) However, this episode is my tuning point from annoyance to acceptance. She’s pretty funny in this one.

*When Rue asks Cory if he’d like to go to Baltimore to get the card signed, he replies “What are you, new!?” I totally say this all the time, and did not realize it was from this show.

*I did every spelling combination imaginable in Google to find the model who writes on Eric. I don't think she's real.
*We have to put Rue in the character graveyard. In later seasons, Cory's only grandparent is Grandma Boo-Boo, who is alternately alive and dead. Rough life, Boo-Boo.

*A little layout update: I’m not going to be pulling quotes for the titles of the blogs anymore. There’s too many good lines. I’ll start including a best lines section instead. Next time though, because I’m writing this at work and didn’t write any non-Baltimore lines down in my notes. *
Girl Tally
Eric -2
Shawn- 0
Cory -1

Character Graveyard
Stacey, Shawn's sister
Bernice (Rue McClanahan), Cory's grandmother

Monday, September 20, 2010

look to your right and click

I don't think you guys know much about me, because I don't think anyone I know in real life reads this blog. I told my parents I was writing it and they rolled their eyes because they were subjected to enough Boy Meets World when it was actually on TV.

I work in advertising. A big part of my job is statistics of markets in the Baltimore Metro area. You'd think by this point I'd find statistics boring, but it's pretty much the most interesting part of my job. The point is, on my bloggy homepage I get statistics of who's looking at what and when. (Shout out to Japan, by the way. You guys love you some BMW.)

Now that we're a quarter way through the first season, I want to see if the stats match up with your actual preferences. You'll notice a poll to the right of this post. If you'd kindly click on your favorite episode, I'll file that away for my awesome statistical roundup when we're done season one. I promise it'll be a lot more interesting than that sentence leads you to believe. Be on the lookout for new polls as we get to the 1/2 and 3/4 marks.

New recap Tuesday!

Monday, September 13, 2010

"these kids make Minkus look like Fabio!" aka Boys II Mensa

Cory is clowning around (literally, he's got the nose) with Shawn while Feeny hands back some tests. Cory gets a C and Minkus gets an A. Cory complains that just because Minkus is smart, Feeny likes him better and lets him get away with everything. Cory gets detention for the nose and for mouthing off.

After detention, he and Shawn find crumpled up test answers in a trashcan. They both get pretty pumped, but it turns out the answers are for a standardized IQ test. Shawn throws them back, but Cory grabs them. Shawn wants to know why Cory would cheat on a test that isn't even for a grade, but Cory wants to be treated the same way as Minkus.

At home, Eric takes Morgan Halloween shopping and "she" ends up choosing a gory zombie costume instead of a princess. Amy is kind of upset, but Alan totally approves. Cory has brought home a note from Feeny about the test and starts flipping out. He decides he'll try to prove to everyone that he actually is a genius and has just been hiding it all these years. It doesn't really work, and both Feeny and the Matthews drop hints that they know what's up.

At school the next day, Feeny pulls Cory aside and tells him he'll be going to a new school for gifted kids. There's no sports or recess, they just study. Cory says he wants to stay, and Feeny gives him a chance to come clean, which doesn't happen.

Cory calls Shawn over to yell at him for letting it go this far. Someone from the genius school is coming over to test him and then he's going to be carted away. Shawn not-so-gently points out that Cory is not actually a genius and likely won't pass the test no matter how hard he tries.

The woman comes and is really snooty and terrible. She insinuates Alan and Amy are stupid for being a grocer and a stay at home mom, and insults Morgan. After Cory finishes the test and his score is only average, she accuses him of cheating. He comes clean, but she thinks Cory's cheated on this test so he doesn't have to switch schools. She won't listen when he tells her he cheated on the initial test. She finally gets it, and leaves. Cory is grounded for two weeks, but can still celebrate Halloween.


*Shawn's voice breaks a ton in this episode. Ah, puberty.

*Still no Topanga. I miss her.

*As punishment for wearing the clown nose, Feeny makes Cory wear it all morning long in class. Ha! Good call, Feeny.

*Minkus penned a haiku on the test he got an A on. He recites it for the class, and the kid behid him pulls the weirdest faces. He looks both terrified and disgusted.

*One of the things Cory does to convince his parents he's a genius is conduct a symphony with a giant Phillie's foam finger. It's kind if a hilarious scene; he gets really into it.

*During the scene with the admissions woman, it's pretty obvious Ben Savage is holding back a big laugh. I'm not sure why, because it's not that funny of a scene, but I guess something was going on behind the scenes.

*The woman tests Morgan to see if she's as smart as Cory. She gives Morgan the following analogy: Maple is to Elm as Daisy is to.... Morgan's answer is booger. That's about as good as I could do, kid.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

"sometimes a man doesn't know himself until he's walked a mile in another man's humungous pants" aka Killer Bees

There's no Topanga in this episode, which is kind if a letdown after all the smooching last time. However, it's Minkus heavy, so that almost makes up for it. Minkus has just aced another geography test, and Feeny announces he's entering Minkus in the state Geography Bee. No one cares until Feeny tells everyone the prize- the winner will be bat boy/girl in the opening game of the World Series. Once Cory hears that, he decides he needs to get into the bee.

At home, Eric has gotten tickets to the Aerosmith show. When he tells Amy, she mentions she and Alan are also going to the show. Eric freaks out and says that this is his first concert and a big night for him and Heather. Amy says she's liked Aerosmith for a long time and she's sorry, but they're going to the concert whether Eric likes it or not. Eric leaves and says he'll just get tickets for a more current act, like Eric Clapton.

Shawn, Cory, and Ellis bring Minkus back to Cory's house and convince him that if he doesn't do the bee they'll be a little nicer to him. He tells Mr. Feeny that he's dropping out of the bee and Cory begs to take his place. Feeny is reluctant because he knows Cory only wants the prize, but Cory convinces him that he's actually eager to learn.

Cory gets into learning geography- there's little factoids all throughout the episode. Feeny doesn't say it, but he's pretty impressed with how much dedication Cory is putting into it. However, the bee turns out to be pretty intense. Cory knows nothing and ends up losing.

Eric goes to the concert and has a terrible time because Alan and Amy have better seats, backstage passes, and an all-around better time. After everyone gets home, Alan gives Eric a speech about how he needs to chill out and learn to appreciate that his parents have lives and are comfortable with themselves.

Cory is pretty upset about losing the bee, especially when he figures out Minkus probably would have won it. He ends up getting an A on his geography test, and Mr. Feeny calls him a winner anyway.


*At one point, Cory wears baggy jeans, an oversized yellow sweatshirt, and an even bigger blue shirt over that. His clothes are almost comically oversized.

*Heather's last name is Ralston, and she's played by Nikki Cox. Nikki Cox is super hot. Good pull, Eric.

*Amy tells Eric she and Alan went to see Aerosmith while she was preggers and says "we were there, you were here" and points to her belly. Morgan incredulously asks Amy if she ate Eric. You'd think with all the sexytime in that house, Alan and Amy would have explained the whole deal to Morgan by now.

*Speaking of which, at one point Amy physically carries Morgan up to bed. Isn't she like six? I'm not a mom, but that seems old to still be being carried.

* Geography facts in this episode
- The highest and lowest points in the continental United States are only 50 miles apart.
- Hawaii used to be called the Sandwich Islands, named for the Earl of Sandwich, the inventor of the sandwich (this is a really nice convo between Cory and Mr. Feeny. Feeny leads Cory on the whole time, letting him think Cory is teaching him something)
- The indigenous people of Tierra Del Fuego are the Yagans.
- The Tuamotu Islands are owned by France, and their major export is copra

* Copra is the dried meat of a coconut. Thanks, Wikipedia.

*The other "current" musical acts Eric says he should go to instead of Aerosmith? Elton John, Led Zeppelin, and Tina Turner.

*When Minkus does the cool guy thing, he wears a backwards Phillies hat. I knew other kids had them.

*After Mr. Feeny hangs Cory's test up, the audience starts clapping, and you can audibly hear someone yell "All right! Whooo!!" It's like that SBTB episode at Malibu Sands when Zack tells off Stacy and the rest of the audience claps like they're supposed to but one dude yells "Busted!"

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"life is strange and now, so am I" aka Alternative Friends

Yes, two posts in one day! I'm at the tail end of a killer migraine so I'm spending the day in bed. Good thing too, because this is one of my favorite episodes of the season.

In class, Cory and Shawn are doing a report on pollution. It's pretty much a sloppily researched treatise on Philadelphia baseball and why it's awful. Mr. Feeny offers to let them try again with different parters. He assigns Shawn to work with Minkus and Cory to work with Topanga. Welcome, Topanga! Cory complains about working with Topanga, but she's cool with it because she finds Cory "vibrationally acceptable."

At lunch, Cory is behind two popular girls talking about who to invite to a party. He overhears one of them call him a brillo head and gets self-conscious about his hair. He asks Shawn what to do about it but before he can answer, Topanga interrupts him. She asks them both to sign a petition to keep Mrs. Rosemead, the school's librarian. She's being forced out of a job because of her age. Cory and Shawn blow her off and Shawn says if Cory really wants to straighten his hair he'll ask his sister for advice.

Topanga comes over to work on the project. Cory wants to do something generic, but Topanga wants to do "performance art." She hands him a ridiculous poem to read while she acts it out and puts lipstick all over her face. Cory says there's no way he can do that in front of everyone because they'll make fun of them both. Topanga says Cory cares too much about when people think and she'd rather be unique. Cory just wants to blend in an be normal. Topanga says he does a good job except for his red Phillies cap. She doesn't get the cap, but knows it means a lot to Cory and that's what gives it it's meaning and makes it beautiful.

Shawn comes in and hustles a still-lipsticked Topanga out the door. The boys go upstairs and try to straighten Cory's hair but they leave the solution on too long and the results are quite unfortunate. He wears a hat to school the next day but Mr. Feeny makes him take it off and everyone except Topanga laughs at him. At lunch that day Cory goes to sit with his friends. Squints and Kid N Play (this is my new name for Ellis. That Fade was serious) have been replaced yet again. Someone mentioned in the comments Yeah-Yeah from The Sandlot also shows up, and indeed he does. Shawn and Yeah-Yeah make fun of Cory so he goes to sit with Minkus, Topanga, a kid in a cape, and a kid with a keyboard.

The "weird kid" table is still trying to get people to sign the Mrs. Rosemead petition. Cory lets them know they aren't going to get anyone to sign because everyone thinks they're too weird. They ask for help and he says he'll think about it and figure out a way to help. Later, Cory tries t recurl his hair with curlers and ends up looking even worse. He gives himself quite the afro and even Topanga can't help but laugh. Cory and the rest of the strange kids handcuff themselves together and then to the lockers to form a blockade.

When the other kids get pissed that they can't get past, Cory reminds them that Mrs. Rosemead is old and easy to get one over on, and that a new librarian won't let them get away with nearly as much stuff. The kids go to sign, and the others unhandcuff themselves, leaving just Cory and Topanga. She thanks him for his help and they sort of stand there awkwardly before Cory gets the point and asks if Topanga is about to kiss him. She says she should because it would mean a lot if his first kiss happened when he didn't look "normal", but she would need to like the guy a lot to kiss him. Cory breathes a sigh of relief but she pins him against the lockers and kisses him.

When his hair is back to normal, Cory confronts the popular girls and says they shouldn't talk about people. They say they weren't even talking about him. The weirdos ask Cory to sit with him, but they understand when he says he's going to sit with his friends. He sits back to back with Topanga and she smiles at him and pulls out a Phillies cap to wear.


*This episode is referenced much later. Topanga mentions she thinks the dance around the kitchen is when Cory first fell in love with her. I'm not so sure.

* Mr. Feeny is awful eager to let the boys try the project again after being so stodgy about the makeup test last episode.

*Topanga says the one thing he has that makes him stand out is the Phillies hat. Really? They live in suburban Philadelphia. No other boy (or girl) in school has a Phillies hat? I grew up in Delaware, a good hour away from Philly, and I have a Phillies hat.

*Yeah-Yeah's name is Larry. Not in this blog it's not.

*It's pretty apparent that the director instructed the kids to unhook themselves and get out of the shot ASAP after the other kids go to sign the petition. They're all still handcuffed together and are sort of dragging each other off screen.

*We have our first character who disappears after one episode. RIP, Shawn's non-existent for six more seasons sister Stacey.

*Does this mean Cory had his first kiss before Shawn did? That doesn't seem right.

Girl Tally
Eric -1
Shawn- 0
Cory -1

Character Graveyard
Stacey, Shawn's sister.

"Feeny's a butt!!" aka Father Knows Less

Alan and Cory are making "lunch" to go see the Blue Angels. From what I can surmise, it seems they've each put an entire package of bologna between two slices of bread, thrown it in a bag with some chips, and called it a day. To each their own I guess. The assistant manager at the store comes in and introduces himself to everyone for what seems like the eleventeenth time. Leonard Spinelli is played by Willie Garson of Sex and the City, and appears as different characters a couple times in Boy Meets World. Here, he's timid, socially awkward, and kind of a terrible assistant manager.

Anyway, a case of Perrier has fallen down and collided with a case of Alka Seltzer so Alan runs off, disappointing Cory. Alan says he'll make it up to him, but it's pretty clear how bummed Cory is. That night, Alan wakes Cory up to see the Phillies no-hitter against the Dodgers. Cory is really happy that he's spending quality time with his dad, and they stay up past midnight.

No surprise here- Cory falls asleep and fails a test the next day at school. He tells Alan about it and Amy overhears. She gets upset and Alan promises to smooth everything over by asking Mr. Feeny if Cory can take a make-up test.

The talk doesn't go well. Feeny refuses to let Cory make up the test and accuses Alan of not understanding the burden of being a teacher. Alan flips it around and says Mr. Feeny doesn't understand trying to spend quality time with his kids because he never had any, then leaves a dejected Mr. Feeny standing alone. Alan apologizes to Cory and offers to take him to play tennis.

Before they can leave, Spinelli comes by again. There's been a small fire at the store and Alan has to take care of it. Cory goes into the yard to hit tennis balls himself and hits one into Mr. Feeny's yard. Feeny invites Cory to sit down and have a drink with him. Cory gets really excited and pours everything from the decanter into a sherry glass, but it's just apple juice. Mr. Feeny tells Cory a story about how he was a boy during World War II and wanted candy, butter, and sneakers but couldn't have any because of the war. One day, young Feeny heard the war was ending and asked his dad if he could stay up and listen to the radio announcement with him. His dad said no and Feeny went to bed at the normal time. Cory says he sees the point, and Feen says he doesn't. He goes on to explain that the process of education is far reaching and so broad that the occasional no hitter or radio announcement won't derail it, and it's important for sons to spend time with their fathers.

Alan comes out to tell Cory to get ready for bed, and he apologizes to Mr. Feeny. Feeny accepts, and tells Alan he's a good father and if he'd had a son he'd wake him up sometimes too. At bedtime, Cory asks Amy why Mr. Feeny said Alan was right and Alan said Mr. Feeny was right. Amy says sometimes there's two sides to each story and they can both be right.


* When Amy finds out Alan let Cory stay up, she says he needs to figure out how to let Cory make up the grade or "he's grounded." Cory asks how grown-ups can be grounded and Alan just looks distressed and says "there's certain ways..." Heh. Dirty.

* Eric is talking on the phone to Heather apologizing for a hickey he gave her. Still Heather, eh? My girl tally is suffering.

* This episode is full of innuendo. After everything gets resolved at bedtime, Alan asks Amy if he's still grounded and Amy says they can talk about it while she leads him out of the room. Cory smiles and comments that they won't be back tonight. I don't know if I was that aware of my parent's sex life at 11.

* I think Mr. Feeny is pretty disappointed he never had kids all the way through the series. It's nice to see some continuity starting.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

"what a major freakazoid that Ed Poe must've been!" aka On The Fence

We open with the boys talking at lunch again. Squints had been replaced with Ellis, who IMDB tells me is the kid from Candyman, so there's that. I don't remember him because I saw that movie years ago, but I can tell you this kid has a killer (eh? killer? See what I did there?) hi-top fade starting. They're discussing superheroes and Cory mentions he'd like to have Superman for a dad. They get sidetracked and start talking about water guns.

Shawn takes his out and shoots Minkus, who makes his first appearance of the series in this episode. Ellis shoots next, and Minkus threatens them with a huge gun he takes out of a tuba case. Cory doesn't have a water gun and doesn't understand the big deal until literally the whole cafeteria pulls guns on him. Where are these kids hiding them? Someone mentions they aren't legal at school, so they can't just be carting them around the hallways. Curious.

Back at home, Cory tries to get his parents to buy him the gun, but it's $50 and between household repairs, mortgage, and food, the Matthews' say they can't afford it. Cory whines himself upstairs where Eric is trying to put Heather's phone number into his new watch. Seeing Eric with his expensive new stuff makes Cory decide he needs a job to pay for the water gun and go to the water war that they must have planned during a commercial, because this is the first we hear of it.

Cory asks Mr. Feeny is he has any work to do. Feeny offers to let Cory paint his shutters at $5 a shutter, 2 shutters per window, 10 windows on the house. Cory does some quick math and is excited to be earning $58. He paints the shutters and gets paid, but ends up spraying green paint onto his white fence when he leans the shutters against it.

Ma and Pa Matthews tell Cory he has to repaint the fence, and when Shawn, Minkus, and Ellis come by for the water war, Cory Tom Sawyer's them into helping him. He also offers them $7 between them and lunch. The boys eventually bail and leave Cory alone. Alan tells Cory it's actually his responsibility to be a kid and sends him off to the water war while he takes over the fence.

Cory comes home dripping wet. Eric is wiped out from working just half a shift. He comments how he can't believe Alan works 12 hour days on his feet, then comes home and does work around the house, plays with the kids, etc. Cory realizes maybe his dad is like Superman.

At dinner that night, Cory pulls out a smaller gun and squirts the table. His parents yell at him, but he's traded in his big gun for two little guns for himself and Alan, and the family has their own water war.


Cory and Eric have a nice little bonding moment over how much working sucks. I know there's at least two episodes later in the series that deal directly with them not knowing each other/not getting along when they were kids. Those make me sad.

The Heather that Eric is putting in his watch is likely the same Heather he took to the Phillies game. Good for him, not so good for my girl tally.

When the family has their squirt gun fight at the end, Morgan calls 911 and says her parents are fighting and they just shot the neighbor. She's still fidgety when she's not speaking, but she got some pretty cute/funny lines.

Cory and Mr. Feeny have a little talk about Edgar Allan Poe. There's actually a good handful of Baltimore references in this show. As a Baltimorean since 2003, I'm pretty excited about picking those out.

Monday, August 30, 2010

"you touch me with that knife, you'd better kill me the first time" aka pilot episode

As pilots go, this wasn't terrible. We get a rundown of our main characters, a bit of plot, and a few laughs.

Cory is 11 and in the 6th grade. You can tell this is the super early days because all the characters are fairly one dimensional. Cory and Shawn are the model of pre-pubescent smartassery. Eric is only into girls. Morgan is...bothersome. She really annoys me in the first few episodes. She looks at the camera a lot and fiddles with her clothes and toys when she's not the main focus of a scene.

Anyway, Cory is in trouble for listening to the Phillies game during a class discussion of Romeo and Juliet. Mr. Feeny gives Cory detention on the day he's supposed to see the Phillies game with Eric. Armed with that bad news, Cory goes home to find that Eric has invited a date to the game instead. As this is the epitome of unfairness to an 11 year old, Cory complains to Mom and Dad, only to be shut down. Eric bought the tickets and has liked this girl forever, and the Matthews parents are mad about the detention.

Cory gets pretty upset and "moves" into the treehouse. That night, he spies Mr. Feeny setting a fancy table with two spots for dinner. He gets a distressing phone call and makes a few hand gestures. Cory watches as a dejected Mr. Feeny takes a place setting away and helps himself to a lonely dinner.

In detention, Cory tried everything from being a nuciense to tap dancing to get out early but gives up and tells Feeny what he's thinking - Romeo and Juliet is dumb because love is dumb. Love took away his brother and made him move out, and Cory knows Mr. Feeny agrees because he saw him get sad over his missed dinner date. Mr. Feeny starts the series strong, and ultimately takes Cory down a peg, leaving him literally speechless.

At home later, Cory moves back in and consoles Eric after he had a bad date. Cory encourages Eric to try again because of the talk with Mr. Feeny. He slips downstairs to have a tea party with Morgan, and all is well.


*The other boy in Cory and Shawn's group is Squints from The Sandlot, sans glasses

*During Cory's move to the treehouse, he sneaks back into the house to get some clean clothes. His mom holds him up with the Nintendo Duck Hunt gun. I miss those.

*At the tea party Morgan has, Cory is wearing a large pink tee shirt and yellow, pink, and green plaid short shorts. That's...interesting.

*It turns out that Mr. Feeny's canceled dinner "date" was with his sister. That's nice and all, but the table was set with candles, fine china, fabric napkins, and flowers. That's pretty romantic for family.

Girl Tally
Eric -1
Shawn- 0
Cory - 0

Thursday, August 26, 2010


About six months ago, I read an article that linked to a Baby-Sitters Club blog. I was an avid reader as a child, and the BSC were some of my favorites. I devoured that blog, then discovered more devoted to BSC, Sweet Valley, Fear Street, and YA lit in general.

I read so much that I wanted my own blog. I thought about BSC and Sweet Valley, but those have been covered at length by women wittier than I am, and I wasn't sure what I could add to that. So I turned to nostalgic TV, which I haven't read as many blogs about.

I remember parking my ass in front of the TV every Friday night for TGIF. I loved the whole lineup- Step by Step, Family Matters, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, and the extremely underrated, so-short-I-thought-I-might-have-hallucinated-it-because-no-one-else-remembers-it Teen Angel.

And....Boy Meets World.

Boy Meets World debuted in 1993. The central characters were in 6th grade. I was in 3rd grade in 1993 and I thought they were so cool. I loved those kids. Then I grew up, and realized there were parties and boys and the mall and other things to occupy my Friday nights.

Now it's 2010. I turn 25 in three days and ABC family has started showing Boy Meets World in the morning. I DVR them, even though I have the entire series on my computer already. Ergo, this will be my blog. We'll talk about the ridiculous inconsistencies with the character's families and personalities, and say proper goodbye to those characters that just dropped off the earth.

Oh, and we're going in order.

Join me!