Class Pre-Union

Cory and Minkus are role-playing in history. Cory is George Washington and Minkus plays King George. They go back and forth for awhile until Cory stops and says history is boring and they should all think about their futures. Mr. Feeny says that's a good idea and gives an assignment- pretend you are coming to your 20th high school reunion. What's your profession? Married? Kids?

Minkus says he'd like to marry Topanga. She's flattered, but says she doesn't recognize the institution of marriage. At lunch, the boys talk about what they want to be. Shawn will be a tire salesman like his dad. Yeah-Yeah is back, and is going to be a teacher just like Feeny because he thinks that'll net him a good grade. Cory scoffs and says the boys aren't thinking big enough. He's going as what he actually wants to be- a center fielder for the Phillies. Shawn and Yeah-Yeah point out how crappy Cory is at little league, but he doesn't care. He runs home and writes down stats, makes a baseball card, and fashions his own cereal.

Morgan wore a gold necklace of Amy's to her friend Stephanie's birthday party and ends up trading it away for a cheap plastic one. Amy calls Steph's mom, but she's not having any of it and says she won't give it back. Amy sets up a playdate and Stephanie and her mom Jane come over. Jane explains that Stephanie is super attached to the necklace and it has nothing to do with the value of it. In the kitchen, Morgan bribes Stephanie out of the necklace, her hat and dress, and Jane's car with nothing more than brownies, a tiara, and my little pony. Morgan needs to teach sales seminars.

At the Class Reunion, Minkus does pretty much what Richard Gere does in Pretty Woman. He's got a massive portfolio with lists of assets, stocks, bank loans, etc. In his personal life, he's married to Topanga, and they've just celebrated the birth of their third child, Rainbow Einstein Minkus.

Topanga is the president. She's disbanded the military, eliminated nuclear weapons, instituted a national dress code of togas, and moved all men underground to only be used as breeding. Feeny tells her Minkus said they were married and she just says they don't see eye to eye on their futures.

Shawn is a tire salesman, with a bitchin' mustache/beer gut combo. Yeah-Yeah is dressed exactly like Mr. Feeny and Feeny sees straight through it and fails him. When it's Cory's turn, he shows Feeny his card and cereal and says he dropped out of high school in junior year for a 6 mil a year contract. Feeny says that's not a ton of money for a major league ball player, and Cory replies that he sunk some of it into "investments." Feeny doesn't believe him and says that because Cory has no high school or college degree, he won't be able to manage money or any investment once his career is over. He gives Cory an incomplete and Cory is heartbroken.

Cory pulls all of his baseball stuff off the wall and Alan comes in to talk to him. Cory asks if anyone told Alan he couldn't be the grocery store manager when he was little. Alan says he actually wanted to be an engineer and build bridges, but then his dream changed into having a family and providing for them. Now his dream is to be the father of a Phillies center fielder. Cory says he'll have to give that up, because baseball player dreams are just for kids.

Eric is on the phone with a friend when Cory rushes downstairs and hangs it up. He calls Shawn and tells him to round up all their friends because Jim Abbott is in their kitchen. Eric doesn't believe him, but lo and behold, Jim Abbott is in the kitchen. He gives a nice pep talk about overcoming odds and how his high school coach said Jim would never play in the majors, what with his lack of a hand and all. However, Jim is grateful to him because he helped him get into Michigan so he could get a good education.

Later, Cory is playing ball out back and hits one into Feeny's yard. Cory tells Feeny all about Jim coming over and says that he's going to go to college just like Jim and get noticed that way. Then he'll go into the majors and be a big star. Feeny says Jim seems like he had things thought out pretty well and Cory would do well to emulate him. To show how proud he is, he gives Cory all his balls back. (Heh. Balls.)

Roundup

*Stephanie's mom Jane is a bitch.

*Feeny tells Yeah-Yeah that someone tries to dress up like a teacher and kiss ass every year. He just thought of this assignment. I understand giving Shawn an off screen sister who we never hear about again, but there should at least be continuity within one episode.

*Some chick dresses up as a Vegas showgirl for the reunion. It's a bit of a risqué costume.

*At the end, Alan and Amy start making out o the couch and it turns out Cory is filming it. He asks for a little action. I'm not sure if he means action as in something more interesting or action as in "get sexier" but either way it's creepy.

*I love hippie Topanga

* Did the Phillies and the Yankees have a rivalry in 1994? Cause I'd think Cory wouldn't be so enamored with Jim Abbott.

*When all the kids come over to see Jim and get autographs, Minkus accidentally brings a basketball. Poor Minkus.

"you touch me with that knife, you'd better kill me the first time" aka pilot episode

As pilots go, this wasn't terrible. We get a rundown of our main characters, a bit of plot, and a few laughs.

Cory is 11 and in the 6th grade. You can tell this is the super early days because all the characters are fairly one dimensional. Cory and Shawn are the model of pre-pubescent smartassery. Eric is only into girls. Morgan is...bothersome. She really annoys me in the first few episodes. She looks at the camera a lot and fiddles with her clothes and toys when she's not the main focus of a scene.

Anyway, Cory is in trouble for listening to the Phillies game during a class discussion of Romeo and Juliet. Mr. Feeny gives Cory detention on the day he's supposed to see the Phillies game with Eric. Armed with that bad news, Cory goes home to find that Eric has invited a date to the game instead. As this is the epitome of unfairness to an 11 year old, Cory complains to Mom and Dad, only to be shut down. Eric bought the tickets and has liked this girl forever, and the Matthews parents are mad about the detention.

Cory gets pretty upset and "moves" into the treehouse. That night, he spies Mr. Feeny setting a fancy table with two spots for dinner. He gets a distressing phone call and makes a few hand gestures. Cory watches as a dejected Mr. Feeny takes a place setting away and helps himself to a lonely dinner.

In detention, Cory tried everything from being a nuciense to tap dancing to get out early but gives up and tells Feeny what he's thinking - Romeo and Juliet is dumb because love is dumb. Love took away his brother and made him move out, and Cory knows Mr. Feeny agrees because he saw him get sad over his missed dinner date. Mr. Feeny starts the series strong, and ultimately takes Cory down a peg, leaving him literally speechless.

At home later, Cory moves back in and consoles Eric after he had a bad date. Cory encourages Eric to try again because of the talk with Mr. Feeny. He slips downstairs to have a tea party with Morgan, and all is well.

Roundup:

*The other boy in Cory and Shawn's group is Squints from The Sandlot, sans glasses

*During Cory's move to the treehouse, he sneaks back into the house to get some clean clothes. His mom holds him up with the Nintendo Duck Hunt gun. I miss those.

*At the tea party Morgan has, Cory is wearing a large pink tee shirt and yellow, pink, and green plaid short shorts. That's...interesting.

*It turns out that Mr. Feeny's canceled dinner "date" was with his sister. That's nice and all, but the table was set with candles, fine china, fabric napkins, and flowers. That's pretty romantic for family.

Girl Tally

Eric -1

Shawn- 0

Cory - 0