Class Pre-Union

Cory and Minkus are role-playing in history. Cory is George Washington and Minkus plays King George. They go back and forth for awhile until Cory stops and says history is boring and they should all think about their futures. Mr. Feeny says that's a good idea and gives an assignment- pretend you are coming to your 20th high school reunion. What's your profession? Married? Kids?

Minkus says he'd like to marry Topanga. She's flattered, but says she doesn't recognize the institution of marriage. At lunch, the boys talk about what they want to be. Shawn will be a tire salesman like his dad. Yeah-Yeah is back, and is going to be a teacher just like Feeny because he thinks that'll net him a good grade. Cory scoffs and says the boys aren't thinking big enough. He's going as what he actually wants to be- a center fielder for the Phillies. Shawn and Yeah-Yeah point out how crappy Cory is at little league, but he doesn't care. He runs home and writes down stats, makes a baseball card, and fashions his own cereal.

Morgan wore a gold necklace of Amy's to her friend Stephanie's birthday party and ends up trading it away for a cheap plastic one. Amy calls Steph's mom, but she's not having any of it and says she won't give it back. Amy sets up a playdate and Stephanie and her mom Jane come over. Jane explains that Stephanie is super attached to the necklace and it has nothing to do with the value of it. In the kitchen, Morgan bribes Stephanie out of the necklace, her hat and dress, and Jane's car with nothing more than brownies, a tiara, and my little pony. Morgan needs to teach sales seminars.

At the Class Reunion, Minkus does pretty much what Richard Gere does in Pretty Woman. He's got a massive portfolio with lists of assets, stocks, bank loans, etc. In his personal life, he's married to Topanga, and they've just celebrated the birth of their third child, Rainbow Einstein Minkus.

Topanga is the president. She's disbanded the military, eliminated nuclear weapons, instituted a national dress code of togas, and moved all men underground to only be used as breeding. Feeny tells her Minkus said they were married and she just says they don't see eye to eye on their futures.

Shawn is a tire salesman, with a bitchin' mustache/beer gut combo. Yeah-Yeah is dressed exactly like Mr. Feeny and Feeny sees straight through it and fails him. When it's Cory's turn, he shows Feeny his card and cereal and says he dropped out of high school in junior year for a 6 mil a year contract. Feeny says that's not a ton of money for a major league ball player, and Cory replies that he sunk some of it into "investments." Feeny doesn't believe him and says that because Cory has no high school or college degree, he won't be able to manage money or any investment once his career is over. He gives Cory an incomplete and Cory is heartbroken.

Cory pulls all of his baseball stuff off the wall and Alan comes in to talk to him. Cory asks if anyone told Alan he couldn't be the grocery store manager when he was little. Alan says he actually wanted to be an engineer and build bridges, but then his dream changed into having a family and providing for them. Now his dream is to be the father of a Phillies center fielder. Cory says he'll have to give that up, because baseball player dreams are just for kids.

Eric is on the phone with a friend when Cory rushes downstairs and hangs it up. He calls Shawn and tells him to round up all their friends because Jim Abbott is in their kitchen. Eric doesn't believe him, but lo and behold, Jim Abbott is in the kitchen. He gives a nice pep talk about overcoming odds and how his high school coach said Jim would never play in the majors, what with his lack of a hand and all. However, Jim is grateful to him because he helped him get into Michigan so he could get a good education.

Later, Cory is playing ball out back and hits one into Feeny's yard. Cory tells Feeny all about Jim coming over and says that he's going to go to college just like Jim and get noticed that way. Then he'll go into the majors and be a big star. Feeny says Jim seems like he had things thought out pretty well and Cory would do well to emulate him. To show how proud he is, he gives Cory all his balls back. (Heh. Balls.)

Roundup

*Stephanie's mom Jane is a bitch.

*Feeny tells Yeah-Yeah that someone tries to dress up like a teacher and kiss ass every year. He just thought of this assignment. I understand giving Shawn an off screen sister who we never hear about again, but there should at least be continuity within one episode.

*Some chick dresses up as a Vegas showgirl for the reunion. It's a bit of a risqué costume.

*At the end, Alan and Amy start making out o the couch and it turns out Cory is filming it. He asks for a little action. I'm not sure if he means action as in something more interesting or action as in "get sexier" but either way it's creepy.

*I love hippie Topanga

* Did the Phillies and the Yankees have a rivalry in 1994? Cause I'd think Cory wouldn't be so enamored with Jim Abbott.

*When all the kids come over to see Jim and get autographs, Minkus accidentally brings a basketball. Poor Minkus.

Teacher's Bet

We open with Cory and Shawn talking about Barry Bonds making millions of dollars a year. Minkus overhears and is disgusted that sports stars make so much but Feeny only makes about $40,000. Cory and Shawn are amazed by this figure and can't believe he makes so much, but Minkus thinks he's quite underpaid. Cory points out that Feeny doesn't actually DO anything, because the material never changes and all Feeny has to do is tell students the same thing year after year.

In class, Feeny assigns The Diary of Anne Frank as part of the unit on prejudice. Cory makes a disparaging comment and Feeny calls him out after class. Cory doesn't really apologize, he just says that since teaching is so easy, his smart ass comments stir things up and make it interesting for Feeny. Mr. Feeny ponders this and gives Cory the opportunity to teach one of his classes for the rest of the week. If more students than normal pass the test, Cory will get 1/5 of Feeny's paycheck. If more fail, Feeny will get Cory's new bike.

Cory rushes home to tell Alan and Amy about the bet. They have some reservations, but Cory just brushes it off. Eric brings home a new girlfriend, Linda. Linda is very pretty and smart and happens to be Japanese.

The next day is Cory's first class. He pretty much throws one big party and assigns the same homework as Feeny did. Minkus points that out and Cory says he knows 6th graders sometimes don't do homework, so he's giving everyone a second chance. Minkus replies that he did do his homework, so Cory gives him an assignment to get a life.

Alan asks how the class went and Cory says it was great, they partied and Shawn taught Feeny to play poker. Alan says that's fun and all, but wonders if he actually taught anything and Cory says no, because the book is the teacher. Alan raises his eyebrows at that and inquires if Cory's actually read the book. Cory skimmed it and came to the conclusion it was about the Nazi's and when there was prejudice a long time ago. Alan tells Cory he's going to lose his bike.

That scares Cory and he asks Shawn for help getting the class back under control, but Shawn blows him off. He tries to call roll, but Topanga is mediating, Minkus gets sassy, and the class gets out of control. Cory just sort of sits there defeated.

At home later, Cory is actually reading the book and realizes it's sort of hard to be a teacher. Eric leads Linda in and sits her on the couch. Linda is sobbing and distraught, and it's not until Morgan asks what's wrong that Eric tells them someone called Linda a really bad name and the mall. Amy takes Morgan into the kitchen and Cory is incredulous that something like that happened that day in their neighborhood.

The next day in class, Cory tells everyone about what happened with Linda. No one pays attention and Cory almost quits, but then turns around and asked Shawn his mother's maiden name. Shawn tells him it was Cordini and Cory calls him a wop. Everyone immediately stops what they're doing and looks. Shawn starts pushing Cory and tells him he's going to kill him. Cory stops him and asks what Shawn would do if he lived in a country where he could be killed just because of his name. He gives the class a speech about racism being bad and says everyone has to read the book and pass the test so that they can all stand up and fight against prejudice.

It turns out the bet is a draw and neither Cory nor Mr. Feeny have to give anything up. Cory is happy but can't believe people still failed. Feeny says it'll happen no matter what, but Shawn got a B and usually gets C's so Cory must've gotten through. This makes Cory feel better and he realizes he learned an important lesson, too.

Roundup:

*Shawn has a different denim vest. Still has the ripped sleeves, but with a classy collar, not a sweat hood.

* While Cory teaches, Feeny is a student. His student clothes are a Phillies jersey and a Meat Loaf hat/sweatshirt combo. Feeny is such a fashionista.

*When Eric brings Linda home, she asks Morgan if Eric's brought home lots of girls. Morgan says there's been billions. I have a very scientific girl tally, and this is not the case.

*At one point Alan brings groceries home in a reusable bag. The Matthews were on the cutting edge of the green trend, people.

*On the first day of class, Cory says he's doing away with the no hats policy and Topanga asks if they can also go against dress code so she can wear a sari. Wouldn't those rules be established by the school and not Mr. Feeny?

*Feeny is late to class and says he was "chillin with his homies."

*At the end, Linda makes the cheerleading team. Amy used to be a cheerleader and does this ridiculous, cheesy cheer. Eric says cheerleading is cool and cutting edge, but Linda demonstrates the exact same cheer.

Girl Tally:

Eric- 3

Shawn- 0

Cory- 1